


A Fixed Point

by staringatstars



Series: The Pitiful Children [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Jeremy's Squip looked like Michael au, M/M, PTSD, Post-Squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 15:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatstars/pseuds/staringatstars
Summary: Michael wasn't sure what to expect after Jeremy finally woke up, but it definitely wasn't what happened.





	A Fixed Point

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if this is canon, but I really think that the reason Rich didn't realize he was bi until after the Squip was gone was because it suppressed/redirected his feelings. According to the Squip's programming, being bi or gay or ace was counter-productive to its 'be more chill' directive, and so it messed with Rich's mind until he decided that burning the house down was a better alternative to living with it in his brain. Now, throw in some "Jeremy's Squip looks like Michael" and "Jeremy loved Michael from the beginning" and you've got some ripe angst for the picking.

With nothing but the constant, incessant beeping of the heart monitor to distract him, Michael honestly believed he was going to lose his mind. Arms folded behind his back, pressed comfortingly against his favorite red hoodie, which he hasn’t changed out of once in the past three days - not even after Jeremy’s dad convinced him to go home, eat something that didn’t come out of a wrapper, and shower - he paced around the edge of his best friend’s hospital bed, only stopping once to bite out an apology when Rich threatened to throw him out the window if he didn’t stop wearing down the linoleum.

What if something went wrong? What if the Squip wasn’t completely gone? What if he messed up somehow and Jeremy wasn’t ever going to –

“Dude,” Rich’s hushed whisper cut off what was shaping up to be one hell of a downward spiral, and Michael whirled on him, desperate to think of anything other than the clawing, gnawing dread scarping away at his insides.

But Rich wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at Jeremy. Jeremy, whose dark brown hair, like tree bark and the rich kind of soil you grew flowers in, was plastered to his unusually pale skin, framing the hollows in his too sharp cheeks and bruises beneath his eyes. There was a crease between his brows, a downward curve at the corners of his mouth like he was on the verge of waking from a nightmare, and Michael rushed to his side, swept the drenched bangs off his forehead the way his mom used to before Mrs. Heere left them both, and waited, breath held so tightly in his lungs he thought his chest might burst before Jeremy finally cracked open his dazzling, electric blue eyes-

And widened them with horror. “Get away from me!” Jeremy screamed at him, sending Michael scrambling backwards. His groping hands grabbed ahold of his pillow, and he lobbed it at Michael, who was too shocked to dodge before the unexpectedly firm object collided with his face. Over Rich’s frantic questions and exclamations, Jeremy snarled with such loathing that Michael promptly decided that words could actually, literally kill him, “I _hate_ you!”

The heart monitor was practically screaming while Jeremy heaved great, greedy gulps of air, and as for Michael – No, he wasn’t crying. Those definitely weren’t fat, ugly tears rolling down his face. Oh, god, he never should have come to the hospital. He never should have left his house or his room or, heck, been born in the first place. Like, note to tiny sperm Michael: Abort mission.

Living’s just not worth the pain, my dude.

He tried to say something, to pass the second most terrible experience of his life off, somehow, even though he was sure the entire world was collapsing around his ears, but nothing came except a small, choked sound that he desperately tried to stifle with his sleeve cuffs.

He snuck a glance at Rich to see he was equal parts concerned and furious, before his attention was inevitably and involuntarily yanked back to Jeremy. The hate was still there, transforming him into someone Michael could barely even recognize, but it was buried in exhaustion and misery as he furiously pawed at the fresh, glistening streaks on his cheeks. “I don’t like girls,” he murmured, like he was so, so tired. Like he’d been fighting for so long he could barely remember why he was fighting anymore, but kept going, anyway. ”I don’t want to date Christine. I’m not even straight.” Michael froze, unable to even process what he was hearing. Not straight? Since when? Everything Jeremy had done since he’d gotten the Squip was for Christine, wasn’t it? If he didn’t like Christine, then what was it all for? 

Mistaking the silence from both Michael and Rich as a challenge, Jeremy bared his teeth, immediately jumping back on the defensive, “And what’s so wrong with that, huh? Why should that make me want to die?”

Shaking his head, Michael finally managed to reply, “It shouldn’t. Jeremy, I swear-”

But Jeremy cut him off. He was sagging against his headboard, all the energy he’d had in his reserves after sleeping for the past three days having been spent on his initial outburst. “Change me back,” he said, so quietly Michael had to strain to hear it. “I don’t know what chemicals you messed with, but fix it.” And then Jeremy looked up, looked his best friend full in the face with the most despairing expression Michael on ever seen on a human being, and pleaded with him, “I’m in love with Michael. I’m in love with my best friend. Change me back."

Then Jeremy buried his face in his hands, and sobbed like his heart was going to fall out of his chest.

All the shouting had alerted the nurses, however, and they administered a sedative before Jeremy could hyperventilate, sending him back into a dreamless sleep that left Michael standing shell-shocked over Jeremy’s deceptively peaceful face.

“I’m sorry, man.” Rich told him with a sincerity that Michael still wasn’t used to hearing from the former bully, “The Squip really messes you up. It turns everything you like about your life, about yourself, against you.” His gaze settled on Jeremy, regret a living, breathing thing that swam inside him. “It sounds like he needs a little more saving, but I don’t think you should give up on him just yet.”

Pivoting on his heel, Michael headed straight for the door, but not before snapping, “I’m not planning on it.”

When he came back, he was armed with a bottle of Red Mountain Dew tucked neatly under each of his armpits and thousand-watt grin. “Next time he wakes up, I’m gonna chug both of these bad boys down. I’d like to see him try and confuse me with the Squip after that.”

Leaning back in his bed, Rich snorted a laugh. “You’re absolutely insane.”

Unwilling to dignify such an obvious statement with a response, Michael settled into the armchair by Jeremy’s bed, the caps on his bottles already loosened to increase his consumption rate to the absolute maximum, and waited for his Player Two to open his eyes so he could save him. Again.

And also because, deep down, he didn’t want to waste a single second before Jeremy could see him – the _real_ him – and explain exactly what he’d meant when he’d told the “Squip” he was in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I might end up making a prequel/sequel that covers bits and pieces of Jeremy's POV, because it'd explained his reaction here a little better if you actually got to see him interact with Michael!Squip, but I'm a little worried about how much it'd overlap with 'a newer, cooler version' and some great stories I've read where Jeremy tells the Squip straight up that he loves Michael, but it tells him otherwise. I'm still going to go for it if I have the time - no two stories are exactly the same, after all - but, yeah, it's a concern.
> 
> Edit: Okay, wow, I did not expect such a positive response! I have a rough outline ready for the prequel/sequel and will get it posted as soon as I can. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, guys.


End file.
